Moving from Reactivity to Intention

Morning Sun painting by Edward Hopper, c. 1952

Viktor Frankl famously wrote that between stimulus and response, there is a space—and in that space lies our freedom to choose [our response].

It’s a profound idea. But when you navigate the world with an alternative nervous system — whether you’re autistic, an ADHDer, or living with a hyper-sensitive threat system — that "space" often feels non-existent. The gap between a trigger and a reaction feels less like a peaceful meadow and more like a lightning strike.

This rapid reaction isn't a character flaw. It’s your amygdala doing its job, sounding the alarm to keep you safe. The trouble is that in its enthusiasm, it temporarily knocks your prefrontal cortex — the part of your brain capable of reflective thought — offline.

To move from automatic reaction to intentional response, we have to notice and actively utilize the pause. The goal isn't to hit the brakes, i.e., suppress your feelings, but rather to ease off the gas pedal so your wise mind can rejoin the conversation.

Look for the opportunity to pause before reacting, and then run through this quick internal flowchart:

• Check in with your body: Locate the “feeling” or physical signal in your body (clenched jaw, shallow breathing, gut tension). Take one deliberate exhale to acknowledge it without rushing to fix it.

• Bring curiosity to the trigger: Ask, "What old script is playing here?" Name the sensation neutrally (e.g. "I'm experiencing rejection sensitivity").

• Assess your immediate need: What does your hardware actually need right now? Lower sensory input? A walk in nature? A few minutes alone?

• Make an intentional choice: Ask, "What action will I be proud of in the future?"

Buying Time in the Real World

Executing this in real time is hard. Don't be afraid to use tactical cover stories to buy some time and space:

• In Professional or Social Settings: Excuse yourself to the restroom to reset your breathing and re-consider your perspective.

• In Relationships: Agree in advance and cue each other when it might be time for a pause so that two triggered nervous systems don't trade low blows.

• In Public: Use a stealth somatic anchor, like pressing your thumb into the center of your palm while taking an extended exhale.

Building this capacity takes practice. But catching that space—even intermittently—spares you the post-reaction hangover and replaces shame with self-trust.

Find the complete text including handy flowchart on my Substack, Ways of Being!